Welcome blog fans! As a woman in her 30’s who set off on her online dating adventure nearly a decade ago, I never imagined I’d still be here today, searching for that magical mystery man, hoping he’s on the other side of one of those mirror selfie online dating profile pictures. But as it turns out, here I am. Along the way I’ve accumulated quite the collection of funny stories, dates gone wrong, dates that never even happened, and a few decent dates that continue to give me hope that one day this will work. The point of this blog is simply to share my stories. Maybe they will give you a good laugh every now and then. If you’re one of those lucky ones who already found their one and only, hopefully these stories will make you thankful for what you have. Along the way, I’ll drop in a few tips and tricks I’ve learned to help any of those other poor souls in the same boat as me constantly swiping, liking, winking, and messaging our way to the next date. In order to protect privacy, all names in this blog have been changed. Just to see how we’ve ended up here, let’s take a little stroll down memory lane.
I grew up in a small town in WV where life was simple and easy. I went to school with the same people from Kindergarten through 12th grade. Like most girls I had my fair share of crushes along the way. The earliest memory I have of young love is actually from my birthday party in 1st grade. I had a crush on this cute boy *Dave and he was of course invited to my awesome Chuck E Cheese birthday party. He had to leave a little earlier than everyone else so of course his mom made him come over and tell me goodbye like any well-mannered 7 year old gentleman. Well, sitting right there at the table in front all my other party guests, I was apparently overcome with good birthday vibes and desire. I looked back intending to give him a smooch, and ended up giving him a big old kiss right on the nose! BOLD MOVE! I don’t even know what came over me, but it was over and done before I knew what happened. A little embarrassing in the moment, but quickly forgotten at such a young age. That is until Monday at school when one of my friends tried to write about the incident in her journal, and I so helpfully informed her that she could not write about that because it was my story and I was the only one with the rights to write about such a romantic tale.
My next notable memory is from middle school when a new student joined our school. His name was *Joey and his family had moved to our small town. They were Mormon which I basically knew nothing about at the time. Anyway, Joey and I were typical giggly flirty middle school kids for a while until one day he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I happily accepted and was living on cloud 9 for my first real boyfriend!! Before I even had time to really let that set it, he promptly informed me the next morning that even though he really liked me, he couldn’t date me because he was afraid of what his parents would say. HOLD THE PHONE! Not even 24 hours and I’m already being dumped? Ok, I’m beginning to think this dating stuff is for the birds. As we will see as this story unfolds this was probably just some kind of evil foreshadowing for the future of my dating life. I seem to have a knack for finding the swing and a miss relationships, the not quite the right timing relationships, and as it turns out quite a thing for guys with names that start with J.
Enter high school. Oh such a small fish in a big pond. No really, at under 5 feet, I was a really small fish. Of course I was a top notch band geek, and so got to attend band camp before school ever began. I also played the flute. (Insert witty “That One Time at Band Camp” joke here.) Here I met a senior member of the band who had me all googly eyed and star struck. Maybe all I needed was an older man, someone more mature. Well that is until he started dating one of my other friends. 😦 Cue heartbreak and death stares from across the room. But as luck would have it, that relationship didn’t outlast my crush, and I still had a chance to cash in. I started getting rides home from him after school, and after some time and a little bit of planning through many AIM conversations, the band senior became what I refer to as my first real kiss. 😗
It was soft and sweet just like every first kiss should be. Sigh! Nothing else ever came out of that kiss, but I did give him an embarrassing picture collage of photos of me as a Christmas gift that year. Absolutely mortifying when I think about it now. Even more mortifying when he messages you years later that he found it in his basement somewhere while cleaning.
So, first kiss finally out of the way. This is where the story gets good right? Wrong. Things stayed pretty calm until my senior year when a freshman named *Steve joined the band. He played the same instrument as one of my good friends so we were able to get to know each other. I guess it was his youthful energy that attracted me. Also, let’s be real I kind of like the power of being the older, wiser one and having the upper hand. So we started dating which really boils down to holding hands and sitting by each other on the band bus. A few sloppy kisses here and there by my car after school. We made it a little past a month because I remember being upset that he didn’t get me a card or anything to celebrate our one month anniversary. A big deal to a girl who’s never had a relationship last longer than a day. One night after a band trip and outing at Denny’s, I offered to take Steve home even though my parents didn’t know. I also took home another girl who lived in his neighborhood. Well, when I pulled up to drop him off, there was his dad sitting in a chair in his driveway waiting for us. Cue the scary music. 🙅I pushed him out of the car and got out of there quick! Then, the next day the other girl’s parents called my mom to thank her for letting me drive their daughter home. Cue my parents getting mad that I was driving people home without their knowledge, late at night, and in the dark. I was grounded for the first time in my life. Upset as I was, I holed up in my room brooding and studying calculus. Did I mention I was a nerd? Anyway, when Steve called and asked me to go to the movies with him, I told him no I could not because I was grounded for taking him home. And really I was too busy anyway with all my studying so I didn’t think this was going to work out anymore. A bit harsh perhaps, but young love crashes and burns all the time.
It was probably around this time that I decided I wasn’t going to waste all my time on boys. I would focus on myself and my studying. I was after all going to become the first dancing mathematician out there. And I had big dreams of getting out of my small town and seeing the world. Love can come later. In fact, I remember at some point deciding I probably wouldn’t get married until I was at least 30 because I just had too much to accomplish first.
Until next time….