There’s not much worse than going out with someone who is rude on the first date. Well, unless Mr. Rude also slips you an unwanted kiss at the end of your date. I had been on a few dates from my first experience with Match.com, but then I met Jim. We only had one date, but it certainly was a memorable one.
We had been chatting through messages on the app for a week or two and the chemistry and conversation seemed to be going well. I was pretty excited for this date in hopes that this connection might lead to more than just a first date. We decided to meet for lunch at a popular Mexican restaurant just a day or two before Cinco de Mayo. I had been to this restaurant previously and knew they had great food, so I looked forward to our lunch.
Arriving at the restaurant right on time, I spotted Jim and we managed through the awkward first meeting of someone you’ve been talking to on the internet, but don’t really know. Do you go for a hand shake, a hug, no physical contact at all? Why is this so hard!!??
Soon after we were seated, our server brought out the traditional free chips and salsa. We looked over the menu as we tried to break the ice and get to know each other. This is probably one of the things that makes lunch or dinner as a first date, difficult. Just as you meet each other, you have to try to manage holding a conversation while also looking through a menu without too much awkward silence. Luckily chips and salsa are a good distraction for those awkward silences. Well much to my surprise, when our server returned, my date blurts out “Those chips are stale. Can you bring us some new ones?” Ooof. I barely know this guy and 5 minutes in, he’s rude to the server. What kind of guy am I going to be spending the next hour or so with? Also, I had the chips. They weren’t stale. But our server was kind and brought out a new basket of chips, and then so sweetly suggests that we might like to order one of their giant margaritas that are perfect for sharing! Ugh! Thanks, but no thanks, although I might need one of those all for myself before this date is over.
We continue through the rest of our lunch in an uneventful fashion chatting about this or that. I wasn’t overly impressed after our rough start to the date, and it seemed like the chemistry and good conversation we had online just wasn’t panning out in real life. Finally, the bill came, and I was looking forward to ending the date and moving on with my day. Jim took the bill and moved to pay right away, but then asked “Do you have money to pay for the tip?” I was a little caught off guard by that. I’d never really been in that situation before. I hadn’t seen the bill, so I didn’t really know how much money was necessary for a tip, and as I looked in my wallet, I only had a $1 and a $20, neither of which seemed right. I was a bit embarrassed at this point and said that I didn’t really have the right cash for a tip. Jim responded with “It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.”
HMMMPH. Well if I thought this guy was rude before, he’s certainly not winning brownie points now. I know that who pays for a date can be quite a contentious topic. I’m not so old fashioned that I expect the guy to pay for every date. In fact, I think some kind of equal split or at least paying for every few dates by the lady is a good thing. Especially after going on many first dates from online dating, I can see where it can easily get very expensive to be dating. In all honesty, I’ve come to see the first date as more of a first meeting. I’d prefer that we each pay our own way, and if we hit it off and want to see each other again, the guy can treat me to the next date if he wants to show his chivalrous, I can pay for a date side. So, had he asked me to split the bill with him, I would have offered up my card without protest. But if you’re going to go ahead and pay for the whole meal, what’s another $5-$10 for the tip?
So far, we’ve had two incidents that are leaving this date on rocky ground. But the fun’s not over yet.
As we get up to leave, he informs me that he has to “go take a leak.” Delightful! That’s exactly the refined type of vocabulary I was hoping for in my potential boyfriend. As I wait for him near the bar, I am eagerly anticipating the end of this date. In hindsight, I should have just said goodbye before he ‘took his leak’ and got the heck out. Hindsight is certainly 20/20 though, and at that time, I hadn’t perfected a good end of date exit strategy.
Bad to Worse
Finally, we walk outside into the beautiful afternoon sun on a busy street full of people. Jim asks if I want to walk around for a bit and extend the date, but at this point I’m just ready to go home, so I decline and allude to some mysterious things I need to get home for. As we are saying goodbye, we go in for an awkward hug when all of a sudden, this guy’s lips are on mine in the middle of the busy sidewalk, with no romance, or invitation that I wanted him to kiss me.
I was completely surprised, taken aback, and just mostly felt yucky. We had not been flirting, hand holding or anything else that would have indicated that I wanted to kiss him. This kiss was not wanted, and it did nothing to help change my opinion on this guy. In fact, it probably sealed the deal that I was never going to see him again. I’m not sure if it was just the surprise factor, or the fact that I’d already been a bit turned off to him during our date, but this date left me feeling icky. Luckily my Match subscription was about to run out anyway, and I decided not to renew. This seemed like a good time to take a bit of a break from online dating.
Until next time…