From the outside, online dating can seem like this lovely, glorious thing. An app full of men (or women) right at your fingertips. Hundreds, maybe thousands of them with pictures and profiles ready for you to review. If anyone else out there has been around the online dating ring a few times though, I’m here to confirm that the novelty of this easy access to so many waiting matches can wear off quite quickly.
Oh sure, there are those rare success stories of the people who found their perfect match on one of their first online dates. I hope they savor that luck. But for those of us who are not so lucky, the months and years of profile searching can wear any sane person down. For me personally, scanning through profiles and getting a conversation going is the worst part of dating. I am fine with going on the dates. Even the ones that turn out to be terrible. But if I could pay someone to review all the horrible profiles out there and come up with catchy opening messages to try to get a guy’s attention, I would be perfectly happy to do so. I guess that’s what matchmakers do. Maybe that should be the next trial in my dating life?
To give a little insight to those of you who have no experience with this sort of thing, I’ve rounded up nearly all of the messages I received in my most recent 6 months on match.com. Here’s what I get to deal with.
First, we have all of the guys who send messages with simply some form of a hello. This message is the equivalent of showing up at the bar, looking at someone from across the room, but never actually approaching the person.
Then there’s this guy who couldn’t even be bothered to use words to say hi.
To be honest, if all you say is hi, I’m probably not going to respond. These profiles typically have few pictures or written content, and are more likely to lead to some kind of internet creep or someone who is not who they say they are. These types of guys also probably go through a ton of profiles saying hello, hoping for a response from anyone without actually seeing if they might like the girl they are messaging. I usually look at the profiles anyway, just in case something wonderful is hiding behind that hello. But more often than not, these messages go unanswered. Lesson learned here- if you want a response, take the time to type a real message. Yes, it takes effort. But then again, so do relationships.
Another favorite of mine is these guys who have managed to cycle back around and say hello again. They weren’t deterred by no response the first time, but they also haven’t managed to think of anything else interesting to say.
These strange introductions feature a guy who spelled my name wrong not just once, but twice! And also a guy who began his message with I’m and then put my name. I’m not sure what was going on there, but he was clearly very confused.
The Creepy Compliments
Next up, we have the messages that try to be complimentary, but turn out just a bit creepy. Another messaging tip- save the compliments about someone’s physical features for later. If things work out, there will be plenty of time for you to tell someone how pretty and beautiful and sexy you find them. When it’s the first thing you mention, I can only assume that you will be more interested in getting physical than forming a true relationship.
The Over Eager
If a guy has asked you out, or asked for you number before you have even messaged them, do not respond. These messages are tame compared to a few I’ve received. One guy invited me to come to his farm house for dinner and wine. I didn’t save his message because I immediately reported that creep and he was blocked.
The Guy Who Changed His Mind
This guy sent me a real genuine message. And although I did not think we would make a good match, I didn’t want to completely ignore his kind and thoughtful message. So I sent him a kind response saying that I didn’t think we were a great match. And apparently, he had also changed his mind in that short period of time.
The Conversations Gone Wrong
This first guy had obviously read my profile and used it to help him come up with a good first line. He had good potential, so I responded, and then nothing from him. Ghosted after only one message? Pete and I had been having a decent conversation, but then he chose to use this great line. I guess he didn’t like my sarcastic response, because I never heard from him again.
And finally ladies and gentlemen, my favorite message of them all…
You know what Brad, I totally agree, but apparently the dating gods think otherwise. So here I am still waiting for my knight in shining armor to come sweep me off my feet. Or at least until some guy says hello enough times that it finally breaks me down.
Until next time,