Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

With my recent run of bad luck on lunch dates, I decided that maybe it was time for a change of app. A couple of years into my online dating adventure, the list of possible dating apps out there had continued to grow, and I figured why not give something else a chance? I decided to try eHarmony. They tout that every 14 minutes someone finds love on their website, so maybe this is where all the good men have been hiding. I create my cute login name and begin creating my profile.

Holy questions, batman! If you want a website that is really taking all the factors into consideration, maybe this is the site for you. First, you have to answer SOOO many questions when you initially set up your profile. I’m sure this is an attempt to get the dating algorithms right and match people with someone compatible, but it was A LOT.

Then, when you find a guy who interests you, you go through a series of three back and forth questions before you even get into a chat. While this does cut down on the endless amounts of “Hi” messages I receive on other apps, it seems like forever and a day before you’re actually talking to someone. I gave it a good try for the 6 months I paid for, but it only amounted to one unremarkable date. I left eHarmony and decided that would never be the app for me.

Change of Scenery

After my failed attempt with eHarmony, and moving to a new apartment, I decided to go back to my old trusty friend match and try again. It’s not my fault I keep going back to it. Every time I cancel my subscription, my inbox gets flooded with deals asking me to come back and try again for 30, 40, or even 50% off. Who can resist such a deal? To be honest, at this point I think they should really be paying me to go on dates. I’m like a walking advertisement. Although probably not the kind they want given that I still can’t seem to get it together and find a man.

I thought my luck was beginning to change this time around as I was beginning to get more messages from guys that seemed decent enough from their profiles. The first 2 guys I talked to this summer, didn’t even end up resulting in dates though. The first was his fault, and the second was called off by me. There’s a valuable lesson in these stories though. Your time is valuable, and you should never, ever feel pressured to go on a date if something doesn’t feel right. Just because you have messaged them does not obligate you to meet them. You have instincts for a reason, and in the era of meeting strangers from the internet for dates, I highly suggest you follow your instincts. If the other person gets upset, well all the more reason your instincts were probably right, and they are most definitely not the person for you.

Let’s Take a Hike?

We’ll call the first guy Jay. Jay and I messaged for quite a while before I could get him to commit to a date. After my recent disappointment with getting excited for dates before hand, my patience for messaging for too long before actually meeting was starting to weaken. Jay admitted that he usually just remains pen pals with people on dating websites and is very nervous. Cue facepalm.

Somehow we manage to arrange a day for our date, but what activity does he suggest- hiking. Uh sorry, but no. If you like hiking as a hobby, great. I can get down with hiking too, but I’m certainly not going hiking in the woods with a guy I don’t know, who is nervous about going on a date. I have horrific visions of how that might end.

But I don’t want to crush this date completely since it has been so much work getting there. I steady my fears that he probably doesn’t actually want to murder me in the woods. He’s probably just so completely out of touch that he doesn’t realize why his date idea is making me uncomfortable. I redirect his hiking idea to taking a walk around one of the lakes in my area. They have lovely paths with lots of other people around, and no secluded woods for me to be assaulted or murdered. I message him the morning of our supposed date to officially confirm the place and time. And then I hear nothing. The time of our date comes and goes, and still nothing. Until that evening, when I get this delightful message.

Ohhh sure. The phone died excuse. And what the heck is sar-wheeee? Are we 5? Completely frustrated and over this guy, I give him a short response.

First, sar-wheee. Now, Christmas emoji’s. He continues on for a bit with his sob story and trying to ask for another date, but I really wasn’t having it at this point. He’s tried to take me hiking in the woods, missed our date because he can’t charge his phone, and now can’t have an adult conversation. I try to let him down easy, but make it clear that we won’t be continuing with our chats. Then if possible, the conversation gets even stranger.

I feel a little bit bad for this guy. It seems like dating must be hard for him. But in the end, I’m kinda glad we didn’t really go on a date. Sar-wheeeee, not sar-wheeeee!

Mr. Indecisive

So you’d think one failed date attempt might be enough for one summer, but then I had another. We’ll call this next guy Jay 2.0. In the updated version of Jay, he’s not afraid to ask a girl on a date to do just about anything, at any time of day.

So Jay 2.0 messaged me on Match, but quickly asked for my phone number to switch to texting. When I asked about his job, he claimed to be in “sales for a construction retail company.” I honestly just assumed this was a fancy way for him to say that he worked at Lowes or Home Depot, but he didn’t want to admit that. We had set up a lunch date (breaking the rules already, I know!), but then Jay 2.0. seemed to be too impatient to wait that he kept suggesting other things.

First of all, who asks a person to go on a date at 10pm? I don’t care what your work hours are, this is not an acceptable time for a first date. Especially not to drink coffee! After his odd job title description, this became red flag #2 that I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to meet this guy. After trying to change our date again, and then changing the location so he could use his Groupon, I decided this date was just not for me. See, there’s a reason why I said no more lunch dates.

Jay 2.0 is probably a really nice guy who was just trying to save a buck or two with his Groupon, which I can’t totally fault him for. I hope he’s doing well, but I’m not sorry that I didn’t go on a date with him either.

With these two most recent stall outs, I’m starting to lose my hope in online dating. The quality of guys I am meeting, or not even meeting seems to be going downhill. I begin to question if this will ever work? Am I just doomed to never find love? Or is something great waiting just around the corner? You’ll just have to stay tuned to see what happens next.

By the way, if you’re loving this blog adventure, don’t forget to share it with your friends. I’ll be taking a short break from my weekly Monday posts, but I promise I’ll be back with more fun dating tales soon.

Until next time…


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